Reign of the Axe

Elaine - Session Thirteen

The Blue Hair Bombing Brigade

I don’t have much time to write currently. Grangran Myrtle’s broken her latest grinding record, Onna Adelaide is slinging broken shards of glass everywhere, and the goat just escaped again and is curr-RENTLY EATING THE HARDTACK!!!!

The goat has been stuffed into the cleaning closet, the dog known as Bear is now attempting to clean the puddle of honey on the floor, and the chickens have been threatened with roasting if they dare do that again.

Nana Pearl has started a drinking game, and she just downed another shot because Meemaw Harriet threw out her back again. I admire the confidence in her skill, but now is not the time to give a demonstration on break-dancing, whatever that is, to the youngsters to motivate them. We need them youngsters out and hunting for broken glass bits like responsible young adults!

I wonder if Nana Pearl knows that’s lantern oil…

Mawmaw Olive has been waxing the empty eggs. I think she can touch fire, like without magical assistance. She’s just dipping her finger into the pot of wax and sealing the eggs off. When I asked her about it, she just said she lost feeling in that arm during the war. I have no idea what war this is.

Grangran Myrtle is a ruthless general. Speaking of ruthless, Gammi Ruth has been running those kids back and forth like a slave-driver. This is a crazy, yet surprisingly efficient process we have going on here. I need to warn Belorin to never piss off the Blue Hair Bombing Brigade. Now they all know how to make glass bombs.

I have eaten so many sweet rolls in the last five hours. I don’t know how, but food keeps appearing in random places, my pockets keep getting filled with candy, and knitted Saturnalia sweaters keep appearing in folded piles in chairs. The baker is busy using his oven to make the hardtack, so I have no idea how fresh, hot…rolls…keep…om nom nom nom!

We’ve made fifty bombs so far. It won’t be enough for the whole battle, but if we can give these to the guys on the front lines, it might at least discourage some of them from ever attacking again. High hope, but it’s something. It might be enough to turn the tide.

Hopefully the Fists of Hextor know what their doing. I’d hate for something bad to happen to the Undergrounders. Please dear gods, know what you’re doing. My faith in clergy needs to be restored!

By Boccob’s Blessed Book, there’s more bread! NO! THE GOAT’S OUT AGAIN!



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